Friday, August 11, 2017

Chicago Offers Advice on how to not feel like hammered shit after being nuked by North Korea

The city of Chicago recently offered it's citizens pretty much the Cliff Notes version of how to survive a thermonuclear blast.  I mean didn't the city office of emergency staff see the 1983 nuclear war move The Day After? The sanitized advice and step by step bulleted points are nice, clean, detailed but come on, no advice is going to make up for the destruction and feelings of hammered shit after it all is said and done. Geez! Just ask Jason Robards or Steve Guttenberg how it all turned out.

Here is the Chicago Survival Guide for the Nuclear Holocaust:

IF YOU ARE NEAR THE BLAST:

  • Turn away and close and cover your eyes to prevent damage to your sight
  • Drop to the ground face down and place your hands under your body
  • Remain flat until the heat and two shock waves have passed

IF YOU ARE OUTSIDE WHEN THE BLAST OCCURS:

  • Find something to cover your mouth and nose, such as a scarf, handkerchief, or other cloth
  •  Remove any dust from your clothes by brushing, shaking, and wiping in a ventilated area. However, cover your mouth and nose while you do this.
  • Move to a shelter, basement, or other underground area, preferably located away from the direction that the wind is blowing.
  • Remove clothing since it may be contaminated. If possible, take a shower, wash your hair, and change clothes before you enter the shelter.

IF YOU ARE ALREADY IN A SHELTER OR BASEMENT:

  •  Cover your mouth and nose with a facemask or other material (such as a scarf or handkerchief) until you know that the fallout cloud has passed.
  • Shut off ventilation systems and seal doors or windows. After the fallout cloud has passed, unseal the doors and windows to allow some air circulation.
  • Stay inside until authorities say it is safe to come out
  • Listen to the local radio or television for information and advice. Authorities may direct you to stay in your shelter or evacuate to a safer place.
  • If you must go out, cover your mouth and nose with a damp towel
  • Use stored food and drinking water. Do not eat local fresh food or drink water from open water supplies.
  • Clean and cover any open wounds on your body
This infographic form the CDC pretty much sums it up - we are all going to feel like hammered shit if this happens!  Good luck and God bless!



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